In the day to day it is hard to know how this is going or where it is going. Financially we have put in both capital and sweat equity, more money than at points in my life I ever imagined I would ever have, and our revenue to date is only a fraction of that. Some days we see big sales and it feels like we are finally breaking through the noise. Customers are happy, and it feels like momentum is building. Other days it is so quiet and cold that I feel like people have forgotten we even exist.

Social media has been the hardest part. We work constantly to break through but the numbers stay flat. People unsubscribe and unfollow almost at the same pace as people follow. I pivot again and again, trying new formats and new stories, never sure what will resonate. This is the largest story in coffee history but how do you break that into a bite sized message? It is hard being a forty year old guy trying to make content. I know it is not the most exciting thing, me being awkward on camera, figuring it out as I go. I bring other people in to create content too, but even then the results are mixed.

We have been at this for years now. It was five years ago that I first came across the research with Michael. I remember being on a ski trip with my dad in Tahoe, talking about how this might be something big. He was hyped, encouraging me to go for it. I agreed but at the time had no idea how to start. Four years ago we began taking it more seriously, and I have now been full time on this for about five months. Even so, the challenges have not lessened.

Looking back at our profit and loss statement for the last thirty six months, we have only shown profit once, in March. That was the month when press came out calling Excelsa the future of coffee. Some of it vanished later, including a Time magazine article. I asked a journalist at The Economist if this was common. She said edits happen often but entire articles disappearing is very rare. I still have screenshots, but there is no sign of it now.

This week I had to cut hours and one of our best people quit because I could not give them enough. It was humbling and painful. The next couple of years will likely bring more of that pain. Finances feel uncertain. I will be fine until spring, but after that we need to make real decisions about raising money or generating more revenue as we have huge plans for next year. It is daunting to think about the future. It is daunting to be forty and know how important financial stability and independence are for my family. I feel the desire to have a second child, but it seems compromised by the reality of doing another startup at this stage of life.

And then there are the mundane days, like today, when I am shoveling coffee greens into airtight bins to protect them from air and insects, standing in an office that feels as humid as Jumanji. That is what the work looks like. It is a timestamp. Years into this project, the highs are real but rare, and the lows feel heavy. We are still pre-traction, still unsure of what product market fit looks like, but the possibility in front of us still feels enormous.

What I hold onto is the foundation beneath all of this. Two decades of research. The lessons I have learned about go to market strategy. The reality of first mover advantage, unfair advantage, and economic moats that we have carefully built into place. These are not theories I am guessing at. These are frameworks I know and believe in. And I remind myself often that if no one else sees the vision, that is the chance you have to take. Because if someone else saw it clearly, they would already have seized it, assumed the product market fit, and built the economic case.

That is what makes me optimistic. That this could be massive. That this could be drastic. That this could matter for the world. The frameworks are there, the vision is there, and the need is there. But none of that erases the daunting reality of the day to day. None of it makes the fear go away. Here I am, years into making guesses about the future, hoping something lands. It is scary. It is hard. It is painful. But it is also exhilarating, because the potential is so vast.

So to be honest, it is hard to know what this is.